It has become apparent that it is time for your favorite teacher, HeyWriterGrrl, to step to the front of the classroom with a new teachable moment. Trans family members will know where I’m going with this lesson, but it’s been a while since it was last given some attention, so let us begin.

I have taken notice that over the past month or two, there seems to be some kind of morbid fascination, particularly in professional or business settings, about how I used to appear.

What, I’m not enough of a stunner already? (cheeky!)

“Don’t you have any pictures of you when you were a guy?” is the typical question I hear. Really? Seriously? “Do you have any pictures of you before you became a complete goof?” Tempted though I may be to say that as my witty retort, I usually say, “No, I always managed to avoid being on camera for any reason,” and leave it at that. Goodness knows it’s enough of a dysphoria triggering moment every time I have to pull out my old drivers’ license or health card to prove my identity (dead name and four-year-old picture) unless I’m showing it to another trans person or a very close friend.

Comparison pictures that I share on a very rare occasion are more for my own proof of what has happened to date since beginning Hormone Replacement Therapy, because, to be honest, most of it I never notice until doing a side by side comparison, or from watching the reaction of a friend who has not seen me in person for some time.

I literally have only four pictures from my previous existence, and the only reason I have clung to them so tightly is they are the few photos that still exist of my late mother and I together.

But, please note that it is UNACCEPTABLE to ask any trans person about pictures of their “old” self. Amongst trans people, we don’t ask each other for pictures of our assigned at birth gender presentation. Sometimes our doctors will require pictures for comparison and progress indicators. We do share pictures with each of other of progress on HRT or post-op, as it is how we learn from each other’s shared experiences, what to watch out for, what to expect, what to avoid, etc.

I totally understand though, there is a fascination now… transgender people are finally starting to become more visible than we have ever been, due to a number of factors. While this is a good thing, other issues begin to arise. Please understand that some things can occur for most trans people in an unpleasant manner when trying to satisfy your curiosity about the trans person in front of you. This is why I try to educate where I can, instead of evisceration by language.

We regularly encounter issues when dealing with the mainstream media. This is why there are style guides or reference guides issued by various organizations which will hopefully educate the media on what is and what is not acceptable in their reporting (but, I’m not holding my breath after seeing my daily news feeds).

To quote briefly from the GLAAD Media Reference Guide, Ninth Edition, August 2014:

“In almost every instance it is unnecessary to show before and after pictures of the person being profiled. Often these images are simply included to satisfy the curiosity of readers or viewers, and in most cases, they add nothing to the story. Similarly, avoid all clichéd images of transgender women and men. These types of photos connote that being transgender is simply a superficial, external matter.”

I often have an internal debate with myself before sharing a photo on social media… is this just for my own satisfaction, will this forward a conversation in progress, is it necessary (or is it because my therapist keeps on me to post a daily picture, along with my girlfriend echoing her sentiments), and so on. Can’t help it, logic rules the day with me most of the time, so if I can find the logic, it goes, otherwise, it’s shunted to a file folder until it could be used to illustrate a point in future.

I also think I need to do a quickie refresher about the verb, transition, after recent discussions.

To quote from the Trans Pride Canada: Style Guide, April 2012:

“Transitioning refers to a host of activities that trans people may pursue in order to affirm their gender identity.

This may (or may not) include physical changes from medication, surgery, etc. Transitioning involves substantial personal, legal, financial, social and medical risks and should never be viewed as a precondition to validate a person’s gender identity.

It should be noted that transitioning is a process that may take a lifetime to complete. Therefore, using “before her transition,” “after his transition,” etc. is problematic.”

I’ll save the whole conversation around surgical status and procedures for another lesson, suffice it to say unless you are another trans person, this trans woman’s surgical status is really not a topic for open and public discussion, m’kay? Should I discuss such things with another trans woman, it is for support and sharing information.

I’m hoping there is some educational value in all of this for you, gentle reader. Again, this is in the hopes that this teachable moment goes with any picture I might share in the future. Because honestly folks, why would I keep reminders of a time when I was never at peace in my own skin, and so obviously unhappy?

If in doubt about whether something is acceptable, come and ask me. I promise not to take your head off at the ankles unless you’re being a persistent prat… besides, you may inspire a future teachable moment (and yes, my teachable moments become part of future lectures).

If you have ever seen old photos of me, know this, it is because I trust you at a level that very few will attain. The picture at the top is how I used to look on my work ID badge, compared to a recent photo.

And now that the lesson has concluded, how about inspiring some love in the world, please and thank you.