While most of the public think that once you decide on your sexuality then it’s set in stone, this is not true whatsoever. Sexualities are fluid. This means that they are subject to change all the time. As we mature and grow older, we figure ourselves out. As each day passes we learn something new. Among those things that we learn, we learn about what we want in life. This includes who we want. It’s important to try to figure out who you are in the sense of sexuality, so why don’t we talk about the truth that is changing sexualities?
A portion of homosexual people come out as bisexual at first. This doesn’t mean that all bisexuals are homosexual. Many people come out at a young age and are not fully certain of what they are yet. Some people are completely sure, but many, including myself, aren’t sure when we originally come out. I came out to my mother as bisexual when I was eight years old, and up until this point I’ve always identified as bisexual. There is a specific reason I am suddenly so unsure after being sure for years.
For my entire life, I’ve never had any boys take a true interest in me. All of my romantic interactions have been with women. However, recently I took an interest in a boy who took an interest in me as well. I was completely sure of my attraction, and one hundred percent ready to fall in love with him. For most of our conversations, we had been talking online, even though we knew each other in person. It was simpler for me to communicate at the comfort of my own home eating popcorn. After some time, we had set up a time to meet, and I was ecstatic. I was so excited to take our relationship to the next level. But then, he actually came over.
To start off, I was very nervous. I was shaking with anxiety waiting for him to show up on my doorstep. He arrived and everything was normal and friendly. We then sat on my couch, cuddled, and just talked for a while. I honestly wasn’t really even enjoying myself at that point, but I let it slide. Then he kissed me. It wasn’t a bad kiss or anything, it was just my first true kiss. And I felt nothing. It felt like his lips were cold against mine from the lack of “sparks” I felt. I hated the way it felt to kiss him. I felt disgusted at that moment. I felt ridiculous and ashamed. I didn’t vocalize that to him because he looked at me with such love in his eyes. I was so thankful when he left.
Once I was alone, I immediately began crying. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I wanted to die out of how ashamed I was. I started to remember when I kissed my girlfriends and I remembered that it wasn’t even half as bad as what I had just experienced. I asked myself, “Am I a lesbian?” and continued to question myself. Soon after thinking and going over everything that had happened that day, I decided that I am. I am a lesbian. After being bisexual for 10 years. People in my life are going to be confused. I know that. And I’m prepared for that. I’m also prepared for my sexuality to change again. My sexuality has been so fluid over the years it is entirely possible that it will change another six times. Who knows? I sure as hell don’t. Most other LGBTQIA+ people don’t know either.
Sexuality changes are common. It is common to feel confused. It is common to feel scared about who you truly are. We need to drill this into people’s heads so they understand when a friend is talking about a guy one week and a girl the next.
