dear andy, am i a floor-mat?

Dear Andy,

I’m a 30-year-old floor-mat. I think I’m smart enough to make decisions on my own. Granted, sometimes I am very easy manipulated and have been taken advantage of. Most of my life I have been with men who use me and then dump me. I’m tired of being a floor-mat. My last relationship lasted a month. I met him, he was not my type at all. He just moved here and I asked him to move in the next morning. He was living with friends, on the couch. We had sex a few times, then he moved to the living room, because of his back. He borrowed my car, drank through the night, lied about the alcohol. Threatened to leave me if I didn’t give him money for booze.

I loved that he was home and had dinner ready. We would sit by the TV and binge watch his favorite shows. We listened to his music all the time in the car. He left the city for a job and asked me for more money. He made an excuse of paying me back soon. After a week, he called me names and I haven’t heard from him. Did I do something wrong? Will I ever find my other half?

Matt the Floor-Mat

Dear Mat[t],

You’re not the floor mat you believe you are. You’re the floor mat that you let yourself be. By allowing men to walk all over you, they will always see you like that. What I read is that you are giving in to their every whim. You provide for them, you give them what they want, you immerse yourself in their lives and lose your own. Every time you give yourself to someone you lose part of yourself. However, when you’re in a relationship where both of you give, you gain something. You gain that little part of yourself back and a bit of them. It’s a give and take. You both give, you both accept each other. That’s how a relationship is supposed to work.

At one point this has to stop. You need to stand on your own two feet. If you respect yourself enough and stop letting men walking over you, you will be a happy man. We have what we deserve. If you feel that you deserve an honest man that respects you; you will have him. But, it starts with you. Respect yourself and if others do not respect you, they are not worth the time to wash their feet.

Two halves make a whole. I don’t believe that. You’re not searching for your other half. You’re searching for a man to be by your side. To be the other orange that makes a pair. Relationships come in pairs (most of the time). They do not come in halves or quarters. If a man gives you half his love, you will only get half his respect. If he gives you a quarter, then you’re only getting a quarter back, and we’re not talking football here.

I wouldn’t mind a quarterback, as long as he gives me his whole. I know that being a floor mat is much easier than standing up for oneself. I’ve been there. Those who left me was because they couldn’t handle my self-respect. They lacked their self-respect and looked for other halves.

Find your whole. Go seek a man that respects himself and can give you his love without looking back. Good luck in your search.

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Andres has a lot of experience, and he’s very knowledgeable about most things–just not everything. He’s always learning new things, having new experiences. When you meet him, you will wonder where he has the time to do so many projects, how he comes up with his wild stories, when does he sleep, or where does he get his energy?