Dear Andy, I think I’m in love with my doctor and I might be stalking him. Not sure.
I am 38 years old. I had asthma as a kid and it went away. I’m a little overweight of course. For the past three years, I’ve been having difficulty breathing. I thought it was my smoking so I quit two years ago. It didn’t help much. I’ve gone to four different doctors and they all dismiss me and say that I need to lose weight. I did lose 10 pounds and it made no difference. I ended up having a harder time breathing and I stopped exercising and gained more weight.
I got a new doctor eight months ago. For the first time, I felt like I was being heard. He listened to what I was saying and was concerned. Over the past six months, he has put me through multiple steps to figure out what is wrong with me. So far I’ve had my chest ex-rayed, MRI’s, asthma inhalers, steroids, and now PCAPS. I’ll be sleeping with a machine that forces air into my lungs. I have spent so much time with him that I might be in love with him. He’s been through this with me.
He’s nice, caring, and funny. I feel there’s a connection. He’s always happy to see me and reminds me that if something’s wrong to call and make an appointment and he’ll see me.
I know he’s married and I don’t care. I don’t mind sharing him with his wife. I sent him a box of chocolates for Valentine’s; he thought it was for the staff.
Dear Conflicted Patient,
I can empathize with you. Actually, many people will empathize with you. Falling in love with your doctor is a very common problem and it’s called transference. Because of your physical (he examines you half naked) relationship with your doctor, you feel that he’s touching you with a sexual overtone. You think it’s intimate because of the physical contact, the attention you’re getting, and probably his smile.
Don’t be worried about it. You don’t necessarily need to change doctors. Just remember that you’re not actually dating him and don’t assume that he wants you in a sexual way.
This may pass soon, maybe when you have an intimate relationship with a man that will respond to you.
Some people have this problem for a couple of months, others go through it for almost a year. Be patient, try not to focus too much on him. Focus on yourself as a whole person. You have to be whole to find your other half.
Share this story if you have gone through the same. You can also email me if you have a problem and need queer advice. Talk to you soon.