dear andy, you’re my best friend

NEW YORK - OCTOBER 01: Actress Sarah Jessica Parker and actor Willie Garson sighting filming a scene for the movie "Sex and The City" on location in the west village on October 01 2007 in New York City (Photo by Marcel Thomas/FilmMagic)

When I was first asked to write about a friendship and what it’s like to be best friends with a gay man as my best friend. My initial response was, “I don’t look at you with those discriminatory eyes you are simply my friend.”

I will, however, admit that I do call you my gay husband from time to time and it makes people laugh, even you.

We spend a great deal of time together. When you spend as much time together as we do professionally and in our daily lives we accept each other’s flaws and we learn and from each other and grow together like any other partnership that has a label of some sort. We have never had an actual fight but we do disagree now and again, what relationship doesn’t share the ups and downs?

From the first day we met, I knew you were destined to be in my life. I remember you made me laugh as you casually threw out that you were not only a gay man but you were Mexican and raised very Catholic which meant that you had three strikes against you from the get-go.

I know you only said it for a good laugh but somewhere underneath it all, you must have believed what you were saying held true. I on the other hand just thought I made a funny new friend who shared a common interest which was writing because we had just met at a writers group.

I thank God every day for the blessing he gave me when he brought you into my life because you always show me that there is a positive in everything in life and that every issue is not a ten.  I tend to dramatize things at times and you know what to do to de-escalate the situation.

You’re always kind and caring with a smile on your face that lights up a room and your sense of humor can make even the British guards smile and laugh!

I consider myself very lucky to have a friend in you and the choices you make in your personal life are not of my concern unless you were doing something harmful to yourself, I want only to be a good friend and be there for you in your time of need as you are there for me.  We support each other’s dreams and share some of our deepest thoughts in life.  I love having someone who does not judge me as well.  I know you understand how difficult life can be when people involve personal opinions and judgments that are hurtful and stereotypical.  If people got to know what I know, they would find more compassion.  You’re a tender-hearted man with a heart of gold always looking to help someone and you always find the best in people even when they don’t deserve it.

Life is full of sadness and heartache because of prejudice and labels and stereotypical beliefs, I prefer peace and love and it all starts at home.  I thank you for your love and friendship from the bottom of my heart and hope that others will learn to open their hearts to what could be a wonderfully fulfilling, lifelong friendship with an incredibly fun, talented fabulous human being.  Gay is a label, not a person.

My best friend just so happens to love men and I support whatever love is put out into the universe.  I believe your journey is yours my friend and we all want to be loved.

–Your BFF Tina

Dear BFF Tina

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not many people are open minded about having a gay friend. Officially, you’re the only heterosexual female friend that sees me, treats me, and loves me for whom I am. A human being with sins and virtues. You don’t compare me to a cliche and above all you respect me. I love you very much. With you I can be myself, I’m not on guard or on the defensive, nor am I waiting for the next gay joke. I wish more people in the LGBTQIA+ community would have a friend like you. I wish the world was like you, there would be no wars and only world peace. I am the one that is blessed.

Your GBFF Andy