do I really have a gay accent?

Over the years, I’ve heard people try to explain to me that it’s the Gay Accent? Is there a place where all the effeminate gay men come from? Was it a pelican that delivered us to our parents? How ignorant have we been in the past?

When I answer the phone, most think that they are talking to a woman. Working in the administrative field, I have answered a lot of phone calls. I have always worked in a typically feminine position in male-dominated types of work environments. So, yes, of course, the first thing people are going to hear, or think that they’ll hear, is a women’s voice. I get a kick when it’s my boss or one of the other executives. They blush. They shouldn’t, they were never that good looking or nice.

So, to clarify. I’m a regular man. Well, not regular, I’m awesome. Not because I’m gay, but because I’m just awesome that way. I’m not a ma’am. No matter how many times I have tried to correct people that I am not a woman, they still call me ma’am. Some men even add the “Honey,” or “Sweetie,” or something degrading. I understand the plight of women and how they feel when they are not being respected.

At first, I would throw a fit. Got mad. Almost got fired once for tricking the boss. Eventually, I got over it. And I let them call me whatever they want. Most of the time they mispronounce my name, or they change my name completely. Instead of Andre, I’ve been Audrey, Andrea, Oriana, and for some reason, I was called Jenny.

Men and women are different. From a mammalian perspective and anthropological point of view, women and children have bigger eyes and a high pitch voice. This is so that the male of the tribe protects them. Too unreal?

Take a look at the animal kingdom. You will see that same phenomenon. The females and children have larger eyes which make them look more vulnerable. Ask Maybelline. They’re banking on it.  As boys grow into teens, their face grows and their eyes stay the same. By the time the boy is an adult and his eyes don’t seem so big, he is no longer seen as a threat. Small eyes threat. Big eyes no threat.

The high pitch voice is non-threatening. It actually makes you want to take care of the woman or child. Notice how women that make baby girl sounds, or act like little girls to get the attention of men? When a woman behaves like a child, the men automatically want to protect them. However, if a grown man acts that way, she’s going to dump him for an Alpha male who can protect her. It’s genetics. It’s nature.

As gay men who want that strong masculine counterpart, we emulate the feminine behavior. Without wanting to be a woman. We own our manhood but want to be with a man.

So when people say ma’am to me over the phone. I don’t get mad. At times, I get even. If I’m setting up an appointment with a man and he says, “honey,” “baby,” I turn on the charm. I make my voice higher, I even act childish and he gets all excited. You should see how stupid they feel when they meet a man. They turn red. I lost one client for doing that. Hey, it was his lost.