As a gay man, I only have two options when it comes to starting a family. I can either utilize the expensive process of surrogacy and have children that are biologically related to me, or I can go through the long, and also expensive process of adoption. There is, of course, an unspoken third choice: I could have uncomfortable, awkward, and meaningless sex with one of my girlfriends, but let’s be real, that will never happen. There is a reason that option is never voiced and I promise to never mention it again.
You would think that this would be a simple and easy decision. It’s either you want your children to look like you or you don’t. Right?
It’s not that elementary, at least not to me it isn’t. Surrogacy requires money and lots of it. There is also a chance that the procedure doesn’t work. If and when that happens, you’ve basically flushed a large sum of money down the drain. I don’t think I could handle the idea of throwing money away. I barely have money as is. There is also the possibility that your surrogate is a complete stranger and that is one threesome that I don’t think I would enjoy. I’m not saying that she might be weird or anything like that, but having someone else’s baby is a very personal thing. The parents and the surrogate have to form a strong bond and understanding that I don’t think can be done in a short amount of time
The great part about surrogacy is that you have a chance to pass on your genes to the next generation. They can get your dark hair, brown eyes, and incredible cheekbones. You also have the chance to raise a child from the beginning. There is no guarantee that you will be able to adopt an infant. But at the end of the day, I have made the decision to adopt.
My decision to adopt, when the time comes, came down to one simple thing: it is the humane thing to do. There are so many children who are born in poverty, live in unhealthy conditions, and don’t have the chance at an education. The world is also extremely over populated. It would be selfish of me to deprive these unfortunate children of a loving, healthy home because I wanted a child that looked like me. My love is not only given to those that match my skin tone and have my hair texture, like my family. I love my redhead, pale faced friend and and my short, tan Greek friend just the same. Our lack of biologically connection doesn’t make me love them less.
I am only 22 and I probably shouldn’t even be thinking about a family right now. I still need to work on getting a man first…and a job. I haven’t quite figured out the love thing yet and I’m sure the job will come eventually. But I know that when the time comes, adoption is the path I will take.
What do you think of surrogacy and adoption? Where do you stand?