I want it clear that I’m not a theologian. I’m a not a pastor, nor am I a religious leader or figure of any sort. In the LDS Faith, I am not an ideal Mormon, or even at this very moment a priesthood holder. I’m just a sinner; so when I choose to write an article about God, anyone reading here can take what I say with a grain of salt… but I’m writing it anyway because I feel I need to.

Most people I know who are gay, lesbian, or otherwise in the LGBTQIA+ Community have a disconnect with religion and God.  Not all of course, but many do. I can understand that; why shouldn’t they? Most religions paint queerness as a serious sin. Many people feel like a spiritually lost cause the moment they begin to recognize their queer feelings and decide to be done with religion. When the only advice you can be given is to “pray away the gay” and it doesn’t go away, why would you want to stay? 

The fact that many people in the queer community choose to leave religion altogether makes me sad. I don’t believe that God hates gays. I don’t believe that homosexuality is something that can be just “prayed away.” I don’t believe it’s a choice, but neither do I believe that it’s something ingrained into my genetic makeup that is unalterable. I just believe it is what it is, and whether I was personally born with same-gender attraction, or acquired it through circumstances of life doesn’t matter. 

I don’t believe that God is trying to punish me by giving me the trial of experiencing homosexual feelings, in fact, quite the opposite. 

I believe that homosexuality is a trial given to me from God, and is thus a blessing waiting to fully take shape. Because I believe this, I believe in a God who does not hate me for my feelings of attraction. I believe in a God who loves me for who I am. In fact, I believe in a God who loves me in spite of often who I am. My God loves me so deeply, so fully, and so unconditionally that I cannot fully comprehend it. He listens to and answers my prayers no matter what I have ever done. 

I believe in a perfect God.

Now, with that being said. Just because my Heavenly Father loves me perfectly, it doesn’t mean that He is okay with all the decisions I make or the way I often live my life. He has rules He expects me to follow.

I never want to offend, but I will not pretend that I believe that homosexual relationships are okay, because I don’t believe that. There is a reason why I strive to live a celibate lifestyle. However, I also believe in another person’s right to live their life according to the dictates of their own conscience. God loves us regardless, and he expects the same from His children to each other.

You may ask, “If God gave me this trial, if He allowed me to have feelings of same-gender attraction, then why would He tell me it’s not okay to act on them?”

That’s a very good question, and it’s important to understand the answer. The feeling of homosexual attraction itself I do not believe is wrong, nor is it a sin to have. It is acting on it where I believe a sin has occurred. I believe that God expects me to bridle my passions and learn how to control something that isn’t easy to do… something that might end up being the most difficult thing I ever have to do.

You may say, “It’s not very fair of God to give me these feelings, and then tell me I can’t be in a relationship with someone I love. It’s not very fair to tell me that I might have to go through life without a partner.”

I say that life isn’t fair. I don’t mean to sound harsh, because I struggle every day with the prospect of spending life alone, so I understand. But, at the end of the day for me, this isn’t about being fair, or the logic or a lot of other things that can make a very good argument against the life I’ve personally have chosen to live. This is about my personal relationship with God and the feeling I have inside of myself that I have to do this; that this sacrifice and struggle is the right thing. I know that not everybody can understand that, and that’s okay.

Maybe understanding all of this isn’t even supposed to be the point of this article. The point, I think is supposed to be that God is love, and God loves all of us no matter who we are or what we have done. He might expect things of us, and we might never fully be obedient to all of his rules, but His love remains the same, and nobody should go through life feeling the absence of it.

There are many people here reading the articles on queer-voices that I have no doubt struggle terribly with their identity and who they are. There should be one thing, one part of their identity that they should never have to struggle with, and that is that they are a Child of God.  They should know that as a Heavenly Parent, God loves us no matter what, just like any good parent is supposed to. It breaks my heart to hear so often all the stories of people and how they struggle with their sexuality, how hard their lives are, and how they don’t feel loved. It really breaks my heart. They need to know that there is a God who loves them; truly and sincerely loves them.

Yes, this life is hard and I wouldn’t wish the experiences I’ve had on anyone, but I also wouldn’t give them away for anything. They’ve molded me into who I am, and I grateful for the perspective that I see the world in. I am grateful for the level of love that I am able to feel for a lot of people who are different. These good traits, maybe the only good traits I have, are unquestionably from God. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that I have a same-gender attraction.

God is truly good, and I hope many others in the LGBTQIA+ Community come to see it too.