how to tell the person you’re dating that you’re bi

Whenever people start dating someone new there is always the question of when to disclose certain information. We ask ourselves things like “On what date should I tell them that I live with my parents?” or “When should I let them know about my peanut allergy?” or “How long should I wait before revealing that I’m actually Batman?” These are tough questions because there’s no concrete rule for how long you should wait to tell someone that you’re dating these things. Besides, if you think revealing your superhero identity is hard, try revealing your sexual identity. Because some people assume that your sexuality is defined by the gender you’re currently dating, bisexuals often fall under the radar and people don’t even realize that you’re bisexual if you don’t tell them. So unless you wear a t-shirt that says Bi the way I’m bi, John (or Jane) Doe from Tinder has no clue that you’re a bisexual.
I’m not going to be your moral compass and tell you that you have to disclose your sexual identity to your new love interest, especially because in my personal opinion it’s not something that you should feel obligated to do on the very first date. However, you don’t want to be dishonest with someone that you might end up dating seriously because the truth might come out later (no pun intended). The timing is completely up to you. You decide how soon is too soon or how late is too late; whether you want word vomit the truth all over them while shaking their hand or wait until you’re picking out a wedding venue (although I don’t advise either of those options).
Once you decide when to tell the new person you’re dating that you’re bisexual, you then have to decide how to tell them. This part can be a little trickier than the timing part but the possibilities of how to do it are almost endless. You can:

  • Tell them during a commercial break while they’re watching their favorite TV show
  • Suddenly yell it out over dinner and go back to eating like nothing happened
  • Write it on a sticky note and leave it on their refrigerator
  • Tell them while saying goodbye. “Bye!…sexual. I am one.”
  • Sit them down like you have to talk about something super serious so what you really have to tell them isn’t as bad as what they thought it was going to be
  • Hire a sky writer
  • Put bumper sticker on their car that says “I’m dating a bisexual”
  • Decorate using the bisexual flag until they get the hint

These are just some suggestions to get you started, feel free to use them (or not, I totally understand). Either way, disclosing your sexual identity to the person you just started dating doesn’t have to be a big, scary deal if you don’t make it one. And if the other person can’t accept it and does make it a big deal, well then do yourself a favor, move one and find someone on Tinder who can accept it.

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Olivia is a bisexual who loves music, indie movies, and birthday cake ice cream. She has a tendency to be awkward but wholeheartedly embraces it.