After an exchange of ideas with a young friend about love and time, I realized it might be interesting to share some of these ideas with my gorgeous Queer Voices readers. But don’t take anything for granted, please. My unassuming aim is just to approach the relation between time and love and go beyond any ‘primer’ about what it should be like.
Love comes with time
Love happens without asking what the date is today or what the time is now. Love simply takes over the emotions and reason, offering no further explanations about itself. The idea that intimacy depends on a relatively defined space of time does not really correspond to what we usually experience in this braided net of relations that we call reality.
Oddly enough, people who have been together for years may be two complete strangers to each other, whereas others, in no time, will be sharing their deepest feelings and thoughts, their most precious memories and their dearest plans for the future.
Actually, you may enjoy more intimacy with your lover within just a few days than other people will in months or even years. Perhaps, you have already been in relationships in which you never enjoyed the same intimacy as you do in your current commitment. Trust me, never will time determine whether a couple will deepen their relationship or not. What really matter is whether people will decide between building themselves deceptive simulacra, so as to please one another, or honestly showing their true colors.
What I mean is, if two people are honest to each other, they will probably build a satisfactory relationship, regardlessly of the time spent together, which, on the other hand, does not mean time doesn’t matter. All I’m saying is that quality must prevail over quantity rather than dismiss it. Several variables can influence or determine the future of a relationship, but time alone is not one of them.
Of course, by spending time together, love will be able to grow in strength and depth, but it does not rely on calendars. By the way, what is a calendar or a clock if not attempts to break up time and control it? What really counts is the way a couple interact when they are close or far from each other. Neither is time a father nor a mother to anything — love being no exception.
My advice is simple: Don’t count time as if it was a condition before surrendering to love. On the contrary, love your beloved as though it was the last day of your lives. If both of you do the same, nothing will stop you from being happy together. Actually, there might come the day when both of you will look back on the past and find out how beautifully long and blissfully happy that walk was!