Growing up, I knew there were many things that made me different. I was a boy, but I was a girl. I wore dresses, but I was supposed to wear a superman costume! Many things led me to be confused at such a young age, my gender identity of course, buy also my sexuality.
I grew up in the early 2000’s, and sexuality was more straight and gay for me. I had no idea that orientations including Pansexual, Polysexual, Asexual, Demisexual, and more existed. I was not informed of how one person could love another person. I grew up finding myself even more unaware of why I was attracted to everyone, and I really tried to ignore the fact that I was also struggling with major gender dysphoria.
When I identified as a cisgender male at a young age, I denied that I was gay, because at the time, for some reason I felt very confused with myself as a person! I didn’t know if I was a boy because of my parts or a girl because I knew I was one deep down; Thus making my sexuality very difficult. I came out as gay in early 2013, and it was all part of my masterplan in how to come out as trans without shocking anyone! Eventually I came out as transgender, and I told everyone I was straight, simply because I wanted to be straight at the time and deny the fact that I am pansexual.
Fast forward to the age of fifteen, and I was with a friend–who is openly Homosexual Panromantic. At the time, I knew about the sexuality spectrum, but I still never actually let myself be proud of who I am. We had a sleepover where she suggested we watch the infamous movie “Blue Is The Warmest Color”–an amazing movie about two women in love. I swear by everything I have, that movie let me be honest and content with the fact that I am pansexual.
I am sexually attracted to cisgender boys, cisgender girls, transgender girls, transgender boys, non-binary people, gender-fluid people, agender people, and really any person. In my own eyes, love is not about genitalia or what the person you’re going to bed with has. Love is about personality, compassion, trust, and joy.
I currently have a really large attraction to one of my friends. She is stunning, and quite honestly, breathtaking. I knew I had an attraction to her but never let myself be upfront to myself about my attraction to her. I watched “Blue Is The Warmest Color” and now I look at her the way I wanted to look at her before; a beautiful young woman. It was very important for me to be honest with myself and my feelings, and now I am out as Pansexual on social media and to my friends and family!
I have been single for all of my life, but when the right person comes, it will all fall into place.