it’s not (always) easy being penetrated

Yep, you read the title correctly. Listen up kids, because today is a lesson in sex education. This one is for all my budding bisexuals, pansexuals, previously-top-but-now-bottoms, or just plain sexual people who are trying something new in the bedroom for the first time: penetration. The great thing about sex is that it is so versatile, there’s no one way to do it. So just because someone is sexually active doesn’t mean that they’ve been penetrated by anything before. And sometimes, changing up sex partners means changing up how we have sex. Maybe a top wants to try being a bottom for his new partner, or a bisexual  man or woman was only having straight or lesbian sex, respectively, and is now faced with a penis for the first time, or a man just wants to try letting his girlfriend top him for once (like in this story here). No matter what your situation, being faced with trying penetration for the first time can seem a little daunting. But don’t let that scare you away, if it’s something you want to try then with the right partner at the right time, you can definitely make it work; it just may take a little getting used to. Luckily there are things that can make the situation go smoother, both literally and figuratively.

The most obvious tool that can help the impenetrable become penetrable is lube. Lots o’ lots of lube. And the most wonderful thing about it is that it comes in different sizes, formulas, scents, and tastes. So whether you need hypoallergenic lube, water-based lube, or lube that tastes like peaches; trust me you can find it. In fact all the lube out there may get a little overwhelming so to find out what’s best for your sexual endeavor and your body, you should do your research. There’s a great guide to lube that you can find here.

Another tool to help yourself ease into being penetrated already lies within your hands: your fingers. Now if anal penetration is what you’re trying to work up to, putting your fingers in your own butt is probably not that appealing. But guess what? No one has to know you did it. How can you expect to get comfortable with anything else up there if you can’t even put your own finger(s) up there? So the next time you take a long hot shower, think about trying it (or just try it!). It’ll be your own little secret. For females working up to vaginal penetration, putting fingers in your vagina might not be foreign to you. That’s great, but obviously fingers and a penis are very different in shape and size so when it comes time to the real thing feel free to refer back to the previous paragraph and buy some good lube (the same goes for anal penetration too). Though of course, if you want to get a sense of the real deal before having someone else do it to you, you can always go to your favorite sex shop and buy yourself a shiny new sex toy and practice on yourself. This is a good option because you can learn what feels good to you in terms of depth, speed, and position.

Probably the most helpful advice for being penetrated by your partner for the first time is to work together with them to make it as comfortable as possible. If it’s your first time bottoming, don’t try to act cool and pretend that you’re experienced because it won’t feel cool if your partner just dives in with reckless abandon. Chill, and take it slow. Let them know when it hurts and when it feels good; it will benefit you both. If you have to talk during the act then so be it. Sex is meant to be fun, don’t make it hard work. If something doesn’t go in the first time, don’t get frustrated. Relax, use more lube, and try, try again. So whether you’re being penetrated by a penis connected to a human naturally or with a harness or by something with three intensity settings, just remember to have fun with it. And you know I have to be a good Samaritan and remind you that safe sex is great sex, wrap it up!

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Olivia is a bisexual who loves music, indie movies, and birthday cake ice cream. She has a tendency to be awkward but wholeheartedly embraces it.