If you’re someone who is passionate or is knowledgeable about the LGBTQ Community, you tend to see the world a little bit differently. There’s a good chance that you recognize when gender roles are being assigned when gender identity and sexual orientation are assumed; you probably catch microagressions easily. It can be hard to hold your tongue or not get offended when someone around you makes a misstep when trying to talk about the LGBTQ Community. Here are some tips and advice on reacting to a verbal faux pas.

Try Not to Get Mad

As I’ll address below, it’s easy to feel like everyone around you is educated on LGBTQ topics, but that may (and most likely) is not the reality. Before even mentioning educating and conversation, remember to try not to get mad, or visibly mad. It’s easy to get frustrated, but try not to show it. I’m not trying to tell you not to exhibit emotions, but this is likely to lead to a conversation that you may not want to have or be ready to have with the person in question.

Recognize that not everyone is as educated as you are

It’s easy to assume that the people around you pick up on terms like transgender and pronouns, and to be knowledgeable about microaggression. However, that’s not always the case. If a person doesn’t identify somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum, there’s a good chance they won’t be particularly educated and may not even be interested. While this is an annoying occurrence, especially because we need people supporting us, it’s an important factor to recognize when people make mistakes.

Don’t feel pressured to always be the educator

Sometimes when people say something, those who are educated on the LGBTQ Community will question their ideologies. Examples include things like gendering people, assuming people’s partner, and just using incorrect terminology. Similar to allyship, there is always a decision to question what they said or just leave it alone. This is hard because on the one hand — there is the temptation to educate, but as I said above, not everyone is interested. Try to gauge your educating on whether you think the person who made the mistake is interested in learning, or would rather just move on.

Talk it out

Try talking to the person about how they wish to be corrected. This post was inspired by my mom. Something she told me is that she really prefers for me to make corrections on her language after the fact because she feels it interrupts the conversation. For example, pronouns. My mom feels very strongly that correcting her on pronouns (right after she says) them will disrupt a conversation, and is something that should be addressed at a later date. While I don’t necessarily agree with this and find it hard to do, I do my best to respect her wishes.

Communicating and educating can be difficult, especially when not everyone has the same grasp of knowledge on a topic. This is certainly common when talking about the LGBTQ community, because oftentimes people walk on eggshells to not be offensive. Plus, in our digital age, verbal communication is challenging when you can’t retract conversations. I hope these tips help you for the next time you are put in a similar situation.

Originally posted on: Color it queer