that time i caught myself turning into ‘gone girl’

It’s Friday night. I’m sitting at home, watching countless episodes of Frasier. It’s about 8 or 9pm. My friends are busy and I’m feeling like a one night stand. I guess, it’ll be fun. So I open up my Grindr app and start messaging people I see.

This is the part of Grindr I hate. I never know what to say. “Hey” seems too bland, referencing  their profile seems too creepy and/or desperate. And I’m not the type to start off with something aggressive.

This guy messages me back and we chat for a bit. Exchange our “into’s” and our locations. He tells me that he’s having dinner with a friend but he’ll message me in an hour. He asks for some pictures. I send him some. He says, “Hot. I’ll see you in an hour!”

Then, the conversation disappears.

I was blocked. In this digital age it’s so easy to reject someone anonymously and without the trouble of doing it face to face. I’ve stopped expecting basic human decency (especially on Grindr, where people wear their racism and homophobia proudly).

But this guy really pissed me off. They say an idle mind is the Devil’s playground and I felt it that night. All sorts of crazy things went in my head. I imagined him laughing at my desperation or at the thought of me wondering what happened I plotted to find him and confront him about what a jerk he was.

But then I realized I didn’t like being this person. This guy was a total stranger and I was letting him dictate my entire night. I had given this guy the power to control me and whether he meant to do it or not is irrelevant.

The lesson I learned was that I can’t control what people do but I can control my reaction. Don’t take these things so personally. Getting rejected will always hurt and the fantasy for revenge is tempting. But at the end of the day, this guy probably saved me the trouble of dating or at least sleeping with a shallow jerk. So to all the guys getting blocked on grindr out there: don’t over think it. Don’t get upset. Don’t give the guy a second thought. Just move on. If he is careless enough to block you instead of a simple “not interested” he is probably a jerk and not worth your time.

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Manish loves to write, share his opinions and hopes to bring a new perspective to the site. His favorite thing to do is watch movies and he will talk your ear off analyzing the latest hits or classic films.