why can’t i find a lipstick lesbian?

I have to say my title is quite obscene.  I hope it got your attention.  I asked this question because so many of my friends are complaining that they cannot find a good looking femme lesbian.  The truth is, if you cannot find one, you are not looking hard enough.  I had an interesting experience this last weekend going to Bout Time II, a gay bar in Austin, TX.  It was an amazing night; Frenchie from American Idol and some singer from The Voice were performing and there was an amazing pole dancer!  I was on cloud nine.  I was having a great time dancing wearing a pair of 4′ stilettos, red lipstick and a black cocktail dress- the whole nine yards of girly lipstickness.

I felt like a Goddess, everywhere I walked I saw looks of admiration and let me tell you, I loved it!  I wanted to skip around like a little princess- but alas, I kept my cool and just sported my friendly smile.  As the alcohol started to warm everyone up, women started coming to hang out with me throughout the night and I enjoyed amazing conversations.  One thing came to my attention; I am at a gay bar but everyone thinks I am straight.  That night, 6 different women came up to me and asked me if I was bisexual or straight  (Rapid blinking).  “Come again?”

I will be honest and say I was frustrated because I felt as if I was being assumed to be a straight woman by other lesbians just because I am girly.  I am still a woman ladies.  I am a bonafide Calvin Klein, Guess stiletto wearing fire-engine-red-lipstick lesbian.  I was open for opportunity and you blew it by asking me if I was bisexual or straight.  If you feel justified in asking this question to every femme you meet because you have been deceived by other bisexual and straight perpetrators; please think of it from a logical perspective of fallacy identification.

  1. If a woman wears a flannel and has tattoos, she is a dyke.
  2. If a woman is feminine, she is heterosexual.
  3. If a woman is feminine, she is a pillow princess and not a reciprocal lover.
  4. If a woman is butch/manly, she always needs to be in control and does not want to be touched.
  5. If a woman is a lesbian, it’s because she was molested.

None of these statements are facts.  They are all assumptions based on experience or second hand perception.  If I assumed that all masculine lesbians hated being touched, I would never date one because I don’t date women who do not want to be touched.  If you assume all feminine women are straight, you will never find one to date.  So the best way to find your perfect femme is to just make the move and stop being afraid of rejection.  So what if she is straight?  If she is, she will tell you upfront… well some of them will.  Other women like the ego stroking.

I hit on straight women all the time and no, I do not start the conversation off with “Hello, my name is Alethea- I am a lesbian; are you?” Relax, if they are straight, they will let you know that they are not interested.  I think in statistic; for every 10 attempts, 3 will respond positively and 1 will work out… by the way, that is a general statistical equation applicable to any situation and not my dating numbers!

Happy lipstick hunting ladies!

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Bella is an entrepreneur with a passion for writing. After making the step to come out as a lesbian, she made the decision to bridge the communication gap in the LGBTQIA+ community by sharing her voice. Her blogs cover subjects such as effective communication, dating, and health.